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The Magnificent Seven Takes Over Michigan

The Magnificent Seven takes over Michigan, and the Michigan villagers are forever grateful. One of the 7 even remained behind to marry a girl he met while he was fighting government thuggery.

I read about Earl, Duke, Fred, and Joe, et al (did they have a guy in this gang named Al?), yesterday when someone posted the news item on Facebook about the attempted insurrection in Michigan.

I never watch or listen to the news except by accident while I’m driving. Hourly, on the rock and roll station, they give you three minutes of Fox News, truncated just enough that drivers don’t deliberately ram their cars into telephone poles in order to end the suffering. You never hear the things in those three minutes that you read on social media, which not only furthers traffic safety, but helps preserve that idyllic state of mind in which you believe society and the government are proceeding as planned, with merely the expected daily hiccups between this or that party.

All in all, this approach to current events makes me a happier, calmer person, but I do miss a lot of comedy.

The Magnificent Michigan 7 is one such event. To think I might have missed it. Everyone else in the comment thread where I read it was wetting their pants about how “scary” it was. Do they have so little faith in our law enforcement? Scary for whom? Even the governor of Michigan was casual about it. She managed to turn off The Bachelor long enough to be informed of this insurrection in the making.

“Don’t forget to put a blindfold on the lady governor, Fred.”

And unless you live in the governor’s mansion with her–like maybe you’re her bestie or something and you have pillow fights in your teddies– I don’t think there’s anything over which to be alarmed. For instance, over here in Nevada, I don’t see the overthrow of Michigan as anything but a blip on a possible cross country road trip. “No, no, honey. You can’t take exit 57 to downtown Kalamazoo. Michigan is now a separate but equal country and we don’t have passports. Yes, I know your Aunt Edna lives there. How’s she doing, by the way? Has she been allowed to leave the state yet?”

We’d still have 49 other states, for crying out loud. Maybe it’s time to put a few states up on OfferUp, or at a yard sale. Mighty big yard sale, but hey, it might cure a deficit here and there. I might have enough in savings to buy Rhode Island.

Besides which, one of the 7 (NOT Yul Brynner or Steve McQueen), rolled over on the others long before there was anything to worry about. Clearly, he was a smart cookie, who, by the third meeting of the 7 to discuss The Mission, said to himself, “Yeah, there’s no way this isn’t going to end badly for all of us.”

Are guys like this ever married or have girlfriends or kids? Or even a dog? A dog can make you think twice about stuff. If you will possibly not be coming home that night to take care of Ruff, you have to think ahead. Thinking ahead is good–it helps prevent plots to overthrow governments. A wife is even better; she’s going to overhear a conversation about your plans eventually. “You’re what? You’re going to do what with Duke and Earl? I don’t think so, buddy. Now change the channel to So You Think You Can Dance?”

“You planned this with EARL? The friend who got drunk once at our BBQ and thought it’d be funny to throw a used tire on the grill and bbq it? That Earl?”

This was the hill these guys chose to die on–overthrowing the great state of….which was it? Oh, yeah. Michigan.

I know Detroit is there (guys like this–guys with drive and motivation–should have done something about Detroit years ago), and the Great Lakes are there. I think. If they aren’t, they are Michigan adjacent. No, no, I’m sure the Great Lakes are there. That’s about it. That’s about all I know of Michigan, except that I continually think Chicago is there for three seconds before I remember it’s in Illinois. Chicago is about all I know of Illinois, too. It’s been a long time since I was in the fifth grade.

What I wanted to know was what these guys had in their noggins should their mission have been successful. They had armed themselves and trained for this in Insurrection Boot Camp, otherwise known as Earl’s backyard, where he had tires set up for jumping into and out of, a rope swing for climbing, and a kiddie pool for Guatanamo-ing captives. Aka the dog, for practice.

After they stormed the mansion, took over the government–or rather overthrew it– they were going to put the governor on trial for treason. “Breaker, breaker, this is Earl. Uh, yeah, Fred? Joe and me, we got the lady governor tied up in the kitchen. Nah, Joe’s eating some fried chicken he found in the fridge. You wanna bring some beer with you when you come? Listen, there are tanks outside, so I think we really need to get this trial on the road. The lady governor looks a mite pissed, too, so we should just go straight to execution.”

This all sounds so reasonable, I can understand the fear My Fellow Americans feel at this possible threat.

Whether judicial protocol would have been strictly followed by Earl and Fred is anyone’s guess. Like, assuming law enforcement was on a ten minute break and didn’t know about the coup, and The 7 effected an entrance, would they charge the governor with a crime first? Read her her rights? Allow her one phone call so she could phone her attorney? Have a judge and jury straight off,  or convene a grand jury to determine whether tax dollars should be spent on trying her? Go straight to execution by firing squad based on their evidence? These and other burning questions are a mystery, but I’m going with “straight to execution by firing squad.” These guys have itchy trigger fingers.

Further, assuming they got past the Secret Service, and no law enforcement or FBI came to the governor’s rescue (that would be interesting, too–what’s their problem?), and the 7 got inside and called an end to Michigan (like it’s a movie about a Latin American coup), had their “trial,” and passed sentence on the governor, then what? Go to Disneyland? Or keep right on, live in the mansion, dress like Castro, wear khaki and smoke cigars, try anyone who they think needs a good trial for treason? Maybe shoot missiles at Wisconsin and California just for the hell of it? Does Michigan even HAVE missiles and can Earl and Fred and their brothers in arms get hold of them?

“Look, buddy. I’M the governor now and I said shoot that sucker at New York. I hate that place.”

Had they only decided to sue the governor and the semi-great state of Michigan, I would have sent them upwards of $5 to help with their legal costs. Putting Michigan on trial is something I can get behind and so can Earl’s and Fred’s wives.





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17 thoughts on “The Magnificent Seven Takes Over Michigan

  • October 10, 2020 at 8:27 pm

    Hi Gigi!
    How are you?
    I miss talking to you.
    I have deleted my whatsapp, and basically gone totally off the radar since I have my MBA/Master of Business Administration entrance exams from December (Till January end).

    I was sooo happy to receive this notification, probably because I have so little human contact these days.

    Wish me luck! It’s 1:55 AM here in India…

    Love you sooooooooo much❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • October 10, 2020 at 8:30 pm

      When did you leave England? I can well believe you are busy studying, but go outside for a jog now and then, okay? While listening to rock and roll. I promise you will come back refreshed and ready to stuff more knowledge in your noggin.

      I was just thinking about you yesterday and was going to send you a WhatsApp message. But now I know you got rid of it!

      We are all well– back to normal almost. Vegas is recovering and we’re just hunkering down for the election and whatever might come after.


  • October 10, 2020 at 9:00 pm

    Sounds like you still have your “census” of humor. I was afraid I had heard the last of you. Thanks for the post, Gigi.

    • October 10, 2020 at 10:05 pm

      Census of humor! Wish I’d thought of that! Thanks, Ted. I have been so obsessed with my other site between times when I wasn’t working, I didn’t realize so much time had passed since my last post. I’m going to try and listen to the “news” more–gag–so I can be inspired to write something. Anything!

  • October 10, 2020 at 9:01 pm

    It’s worse than that. If they succeeded, then they’d have to govern Michigan! That’s real work. “Hey guys, we have to replace the water system of Detroit. And three Interstate bridges are in danger of collapsing.” These kinds of tasks were way beyond the ability of Gov. Whitmer–how do they think they could do it? They’d end up trying to recruit Mitt Romney to move back there and run things.

    • October 10, 2020 at 10:06 pm

      Hahahaha! “Get Behind Detroit Mit Mitt!” I’ll send him the slogan, see what he can do with it.

  • October 10, 2020 at 9:02 pm

    Funny. Yes, the entire story sounds like a scene from Paint Your Wagon. Like breaking into a pet shop to steal a skunk. Hey, Sundance, I got this idea. And Whitmer is acting like a Jedi holding back the marauding hordes. There is something about this story we don’t know, but we will at some point. Nov 11, is my guess.

    • October 10, 2020 at 10:08 pm

      Heeeyyyy…..you think DT put them up to it? Or like the famous king and Prez Reagan: “If only someone would DO something about this rogue!” Meaning, “I didn’t give the orders to kill that guy. I merely wondered aloud why someone else wouldn’t do it.”

      That is not an exact Shakespearean quote because I can’t remember which play it’s from, and therefore, cannot look it up. I loved PYW, though. Jean Seberg was so ahead of her time.

  • October 10, 2020 at 9:21 pm

    You gotta wonder if they had any kind of plan past “kidnap the governor “. I can see them now, “we actually got the governor, now what do we do?”!

    They must have been inhaling too much smoke from that BBQ tire. Or dropped on their heads.

    Glad you’re doing well, we’re still on “lockdown” with no end in sight. I would like to go out for a meal. I’m really tired of my own cooking. Ah well. Onward.

    • October 10, 2020 at 10:12 pm

      Yeah, burning rubber covered in bbq sauce has GOT to be stench to remember. I cannot BELIEVE you guys are still on lockdown. Like, everybody? Or just a select few? We’re planning a road trip to Modoc in a couple of weeks and I read an article from July. As of that date, there hadn’t been on case of Covid in the entire county. That’s a red county and they didn’t give a rat’s butt about the governor’s orders. They didn’t shut down, they don’t require masks. And it’s still in CA. I guess they didn’t think it was worth sending in troops to Modoc.

      We were going to drive out last month and from what I read, restaurants were open–some of them–and other businesses.

      • October 10, 2020 at 10:16 pm

        Certain counties can open certain things. We have dine outside available. But one of our favorite places isn’t doing that and the other is always crowded. Good for them not for us. I’m glad we’re retired, working from home would be too annoying. Not working would be worse. Enjoy Modoc. They do have the right idea. Sigh.

        • October 10, 2020 at 10:21 pm

          Ah. Well, I don’t blame you. I forget my mask half the time. I’m feeling a little loosey goosey now without a “job.” Keep your head up–we’ll drive by your house and I’ll bring a picnic to have on the front lawn!

  • October 10, 2020 at 9:39 pm

    Yeah, we’re doing fine. Doing all our consulting via Zoom, and I’m working every day on my science fiction. We did go out to dinner–to a place that had moved its seating outside.
    Last I remember, you were moving to California central valley. Did the pandemic put the kibosh on that? But matters not: we writers can work anywhere–even Las Vegas.

    • October 10, 2020 at 10:25 pm

      Good for you for keeping on the writing. I’m working on three books, sort of, simultaneously. Actually, David is doing all the work for The Bunker Tales, but he runs things by me, which makes me feel involved. Tell me when you are done with a project so I can help promote it here and on Facebook.

      No, we are planning a road trip to Modoc–we gave up Lake Isabella when the pandemic put an end to that, and went back to looking at Modoc and Siskiyou properties.

      We’ve never even been to Modoc, so I thought it would be wise to go there first before we settle on it.

      Otherwise, we still have the same hopes and goals for the country as we did before. We took this house off the market, too, and plan to keep it for the foreseeable future.

      I’m glad everyone seems to have come through this in one piece.

  • October 10, 2020 at 10:49 pm

    I had to look up Modoc County on Google Maps. The closest we’ve been to there is Lassen National Park. Redding is the nearest “big city.” Actually not too far from Reno. There’s some beautiful country up there.
    I’m about to publish books 2 and 3, so I will gladly accept your help to get the word out. Very soon! Thank you.

    • October 11, 2020 at 12:23 am

      Alright! Good to know. I used to live in Siskiyou, also not far from Lassen. I can’t wait to go on the road trip. Haven’t been anywhere in a long time. I liked Redding. It is the right size for a “big city,” and Reno is, too, although it’s getting bigger.

      Modoc County, it’s interesting to note, had not had one case of covid up until July, which was the date on the article I read. They ignored the governor’s edicts, stayed open, and didn’t require masks. Of course, they only have two people in the entire county, but still interesting, I thought.

      They are Red, like most rural areas.

  • October 11, 2020 at 12:19 am

    Like the Romper Room teacher, I look through my magic mirror and I see correlations between this sitch and the CHOP zone in Seattle. And yet, no one is being charged with domestic terrorism for taking over downtown Seattle and driving the police out, as far as I’ve been able to ascertain.

    The lesson here is, you can take over a police station, or try to overthrow a Justice center, or even try to tear down The Alamo and Mt. Rushmore, but you can’t “do” a governor’s mansion. You can drive your fellow citizens out of business, but not elected officials. You can do a lot of things as long as you are not Billy Bob, Joe, and Earl.

    These are good lessons to learn.


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