Orgasms for Everyone would be an attention grabbing political platform, I must say. Computer nerds are always harping that websites should “grab people’s attention.” I have touched that sweet spot with my campaign promise. There is no sweeter spot, with the possible exception of the small hand of your child stroking your cheek.

I would leave the Green Party for this one if it existed, and it might in the distant future when all peoples are “friendly”. We will call it the Orgasmican Party. No social media site would have a quarrel with it; pundits would welcome the opportunity to discuss it; politicians, in particular, would embrace it.

Today’s fantasy–if you will–was all about the Green Party, however. I imagined the day, in November, when everyone decided to abandon the Big Two and vote a different direction, and the Green Party is voted in in numbers too big to be disputed. It will be unexpected, but it happens. Deal with it. They win.

The five members of the party will sit stunned in campaign headquarters–otherwise known as Bob and Mary’s basement.

“What do we do now?” asks one.

“I don’t know. I guess one of us will have to move to DC.”

“You mean, sell the house? What about the book club, and the Senior Center weekly Tai Chi class?” asks another.

“We’ll worry about that later. For now, how do we celebrate?”

“I know! Let’s go hug some trees and decide which one will be Secretary of Defense! Grab the metal water bottle! This is no time for Champagne!”

The dusty fern, left sitting on the windowsill as they troop out to the backyard, smiles faintly. At last, his plans are coming to fruition.

We won’t know what plans the fern has hidden in his green heart; that is a story for another day. It is enough to just sit and ponder the ramifications of ANY other party winning the election, other than the two we are accustomed to.

The Orgasmicrats (they haven’t settled on a suffix yet), make inflammatory promises that tend to evaporate in thirty seconds. And yet, there is something to those promises that keeps people coming back to them for more. So far, no one has found anything objectionable in its platform related to foreign policy, the economy, or race.

Even the computer whiz kid nerd techs have come aboard. They are developing an app that people can use whenever they’re stressed about no one voting the way they want. We’re discouraged from using alcohol and drugs, even the legal ones prescribed to us, but so far, no one has declared the orgasm unhealthy or off limits. It’s a democratic miracle.

And if everyone uses their app at the same time at a political rally, well, that will be a yell heard round the world.

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