Bragging can be injurious to your health in subtle, evil ways. The obvious one is ticking someone off who hears you bragging. Forget them. They’re jealous of your bragging abilities and the fact that you have something to brag about.

I’m speaking of more nefarious consequences and entities who overhear your braggadocious statements than the garden variety twerp who can’t stand hearing about how wonderful you are. They’re insecure underachievers with bad breath and flat feet. You, on the other hand, are confident and accomplished and just plain splendiferous.

But don’t let the universe hear you say it. Don’t even let it hear you think it.  Practice humility, ASAP, and never brag about how ‘umble you are, Uriah.

What has brought me to this depth of feeling about bragging? I’ll tell you my insightful and thoughtful story, a story much more insightful and thoughtful than anyone else’s meager efforts.

I was discussing the flu shot with someone, a microbiologist. The discussion thread was long, involved, and full of wisdom on both our parts. Never once did we resort to screaming and yelling even though our opinions were diametrically opposed and she couldn’t believe someone as smart as I could say such things.

It was the best discussion. (I’m sorry; my bragging gets out of hand all the time.)

My take on the flu shot is that I’ll never get one again after contracting the flu a day after I got the flu shot. It was twenty five years ago, but that flu shot is burned in my memory as a prime example of how our government leads us astray for purposes not always clear to us.

Perhaps they really are developing a Pigman, as Kramer insisted, and the flu shot is the first step to total authority over a nation of pig people. I recall there was a shot for the swine flu. I rest my case.

My opponent, and most other people, insist we should do what our government, in the person of public service announcements and myriad magazine articles and shows like The Doctors (a mouthpiece for the status quo if I’ve ever seen one) say we should do, which is get vaccinated for everything from the flu to a hangnail.

She longs for the day when it’s mandatory to get every vaccine the Pigman People dream up, to which my response predictably was “We’ll see about that.” One thing I can’t abide is hearing stories of the medical procedures judges, law enforcement, and bureaucracies presume we have to have, or which ones to subject our children to.

I’m not even an anti-vaxxer. I’m more of a “Get the hell out of my business, you politician, you.”  One must sneer when one says this, and if I may brag here, I’m a really good sneer-er. The scientists and their supporters always say the same thing to me: Scientists and researchers never have an agenda. Never.

Uh-huh. And I’m Leonardo da Vinci. Nice to meetcha.

The two of us never came to an understanding or a sympathetic joining of hands on the issue, which speaks volumes for civil discussion and how worthless it can be. Our discussion was very civil, a more civil one you won’t find anywhere, but we remained firmly on the side of the fence on which we each started. We didn’t even climb the fence to sit together, swing our feet, and look at the cows, which were all unaccountably mad. Mad, I tell you.

The crux of the matter is that I bragged about how I hadn’t had the flu in twenty five years, ever since that fateful day of the flu shot when I succumbed to the flu and was non compos mentis for three or more days, couldn’t take care of my son, and missed a week of work.

My opponent insisted it wasn’t possible to get the flu from the flu shot, and despite me relating stories like mine from at least five people who got the flu after getting the flu shot, some of them more than once, she relegated the stories to the trash bin of  ‘anecdotal evidence’.

An excellent name for a rock group. Anecdotal Evidence opened for the Dead in ’72.  Or so I’ve heard.

Anecdotal evidence is sneered at by all the best scientists. I don’t know why; if ten people tell me their tongues turned black after getting a flu shot, I’d start worrying my tongue would turn black if I got a flu shot despite the claims of scientists who tell me that’s impossible. Furthermore, when my tongue does turn black, those scientists are suddenly busy washing beakers, and won’t talk to me.

Is it just me, or is rationality frowned on in most scientific circles?

So I bragged about not getting the flu, and a day or two later, I got… well, I don’t know if it was the flu, but I got sick. I ached all over, developed a cough, and threw up once. Just once, if I may brag here. The cough held on for a week and a half, I didn’t develop a cold, but I did brag out loud that I got over the whole thing in a day. I went to the pool for a work out, got chilled, and was slammed the next day with recurring symptoms.

Very disappointing. The universe was eavesdropping again on my business. Or it was the government. Same thing.

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