It takes some doing, but I took the Myer-Briggs personality test and failed. I have failed an online IQ test, failed the test at being a Mean Girl, and I failed to find the original owners of two extra dogs, who are even now sleeping on my bed.  They will drive me outside to sleep just to get some room to move.

These dogs need a personality test. They each have baggage from previous encounters with vacuum cleaners, postal workers, random pedestrians, and cheese. They can’t get over it.

I made them sit down in front of the computer to take the Myers-Briggs test. First, they refused to sit up and read the questions. Then, they refused to answer the questions seriously.  Dogs need personality training merely to take a simple quiz about whether they think too much. They bickered the entire time.

Is Sugar the bossy, organized one because she buries every chew and fetch toy we buy her? She can’t remember exactly where they are buried, so I’m not sure she’s all that organized. She thinks she’s a goth poet, full of deep insights. Ha. She’s nothing but attitude encased in fur.

For instance, the other two will happily take whatever treat we offer them–except once, I showed Toby a purple bottle of Boost, or some protein drink, and his eyes widened as he looked at it, like it was covered in broccoli. He backed–literally backed–out of the kitchen, eyes rolling upwards in alarm. I’m not sure if it was the purple label, or because he’d been forced to go on a liquid diet at some point. Sugar, on the other hand, will kindly sniff a little at the treat in our hand, and then turn her head away. Attitude.

And Toby. Is he as laid back as he pretends to be? He barks like a backyard policeman every time there’s playing going on in which he has no part. He’s a real buzz kill. But he doesn’t want to play, either. He just doesn’t want other people to have any fun. What went on in his previous life? He’s a closed book.

What about the new girl, Sophie? Is she as innocent as she appears? I frequently wake up, turn over, and get a snoot full of her fur. She sneaks up on the bed during the night and snuggles down right next to my head.  When you only weigh eight pounds, this is a relatively easy thing to do. A human head probably weighs about that much. No diamonds have gone missing, nor the family silver, so she may be lying low until she sees her chance to make off with the family fortune.

Bitches be crazy.

Is a personality test like the Myers-Briggs one necessary? Do we take these tests to prove we have a personality? My personality noted that the Myers-Briggs website charges 50 bucks for the test and it decided that was over the line. I have a cheap personality.

I examined the different personality types very carefully. Below is a list of the traits someone invented to prove something about us. Errr…I mean, my dogs. To prove something about my dogs.

Favorite world: Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world? This is called Extroversion or Introversion.

This is a good one. I wonder what they would make of someone who “focuses on the outer world” like I do when I’m driving, and then I focus on my “inner world” when I’m soaking in the tub, or writing on my blog.

See, this is why I flat lined the Myers-Briggs personality test. Like an EKG on a dead man.

Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning? This is called Sensing or Intuition.

This one is interesting. I always assumed we are supposed to take in basic information and then interpret it and add meaning. Unless it’s a driver’s license, I suppose. That has basic information on it like my age, weight, and hair color. BUT, those things change all the time according to the meaning I have added to them.

Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances? This is called Thinking or Feeling.

I try never to make decisions, usually because of the people and circumstances involved, so this one is a wash, too.

Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? This is called Judging or Perceiving.

Since I don’t decide on things if I can help it, I am one who is open to new information and options. New information about these screwed up dogs is always coming in.

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