Five Reasons The Obamas Should Stay In The White House
The Obamas should stay in the White House. It’s basic real estate.
If you’ve ever been a homeowner, you know what might happen if you leave your house unoccupied. That documentary, Home Alone, taught us a valuable lesson about Christmas, vacations, and a house without even the basic security of an eight year-old child to watch it.
According to Investopedia, my go-to source for this post:
If there are two towns side by side – one with high property taxes (or with progressively rising property taxes) and the other with low property taxes – the one with the lower taxes will usually be more in demand.
New York and D.C. are not side by side, granted. But since no American is able to tell you the name of any town between the two, we might as well assume they are.
It is a toss up which city has higher taxes- New York or D.C- but I’m guessing New York. After all, the people responsible for raising taxes aren’t going to do it in the place they live much of the year.
This might be why Trump tried so hard to get his foot in the White House door.
Trump has said he’s not gonna live in the White House. He’ll change his mind by dinner, but that’s okay. It gave me food for thought. If the House should remain empty, I say just let the Obamas stay in it.
Forthwith, five reasons the Obamas should stay in the White House:
1)The incoming tenant has too many provisions for residency.
He needs gold plated toilet seats and a food taster who isn’t afraid to die. This is a whole new thing for the White House. Which reminds me. The stationary will have to be tinted orange, for the Orange President.
Orange is the New Black. Haha!
He’s also insisted that Mt. Rushmore be redesigned to fit his head in between George and Teddy. This has nothing to do with his administration, but it will. I’m taking bets.
Meanwhile, the sculptor is having a tough time trying to figure out how to get the hair just right. He’s gonna lose HIS head, at this rate. Sandstone is a possibility, and there’s a lot of it in Nevada, although our sandstone is usually too red, not really an orange.
And his face will erode in fifty or so years.
2) House hunting in winter sucks.
It’s the middle of the school year, for crying out loud. The kids don’t need the disruption and changing teachers.
Plus, the Secret Service agents, who help the girls with their homework, don’t want to miss the rest of the book they’re reading in English class.
3) If the Obamas stay, the House won’t look empty.
We’ve had an ongoing problem with squatters in Las Vegas, lately.
Homeowners go on vacation for a week or so, and when they return, there’s someone living in their house! AND, the squatters have a lease. That they printed out at Kinko’s and asked their mom to sign.
The homeowner has to call the police, who show up, but when the squatter whips out his fake lease, the cops shrug and leave it to the homeowner to get their house back. They have to file in court and get an attorney, and before you know it, the squatter has sublet and/or sold the property at a profit.
I wouldn’t bother with even calling the police. I’d just lasso that sucker, tie the rope to my bumper, and drag that squatter down the street to the open desert, and set him free.
“Run free, squatter! Run free!”
The American People don’t need this to happen to the First Crib. Who knows who might move in? It might be a squatter who didn’t vote for Trump, even.
If the Obamas stay, they can make sure the lawn is mowed, the lights go on and off at different times (that’s what my stalker does for HIS house, the process server told me), which is guaranteed to fool burglars.
The Obamas can also make sure the junk mail, advertising flyers, and newspapers don’t pile up on the First Porch. That’s a dead giveaway, I don’t care how many lights you got turning off and on.
Sure, the Obama girls might have a few keggers, but it’s still better than graffiti all over the walls, and the First Rose Bushes dying because no one lives there.
Why, there’s a house two doors down from us that’s empty, and the shrubbery is turning brown.
4) If the Obamas stay, the help won’t use the place for parties.
We’ve all seen the movies. Turn your back and the help goes wild with the liquor cabinet, and the medicine cabinet, and then invite their friends over for a BBQ.
5) If the Obamas stay, the former prez will be available for consultation.
Let’s face it; real estate values are going to go south at the Mall (the National one) when the nouveau riche move in. The place will look like Graceland after Trump gets hold of it.
Plus, if the Obamas stay, Tronald can ask him for help running the country. The job does require a certain learning curve.
Let’s show everyone how people can get along. Donald can take the top bunk, and Obama can take the bottom.
Gosh, that would be great! At least we could pretend they were still our first family. Anything to forestall the nightmares half the population is having and the other half will begin to in a very short time when all their illusions turn south.
They may have already started turning south with some of Trump’s cabinet appointments. He’s turning the area around Trump tower into a nightmare. And New York is already a nightmare to get around. How are you feeling? Better, I hope?