Bird Box is about an alien invasion. At least we assume it is after a bit. No one is biting each other and spreading a zombie virus. People just decide out of nowhere to kill themselves.

People are always killing themselves lately in movies. Aliens have gotten lazy and don’t feel like doing wet work, so they bewitch earthlings into doing it for them. The aliens get to sit back and take our stuff, whatever it may be that they want, and they don’t have to lift a single tentacle to take over the planet.

If a person “looks” in this movie, as in open their eyes and see, they will be overcome with sadness and do themselves a fatal injury. So Sandra Bullock winds up wearing a blindfold for half the movie.

The only people who aren’t affected by this phenomenon are insane people. Isn’t that dandy?

You have to be zippity-do-dah out of your mind to not be affected by sadness with this logic. The insane people tell the non-insane to “Just look! See the truth!” and then the non-insane die horribly while the insane ones giggle.  The insane are also very convincing advocates of sanity and need for protection, but it’s all a lie.

The first thing I realized after I watched the movie was that the only heroes in it besides Sandra, were two black guys. The MOTH disagrees; he says that John Malkovich was a hero, too, but John was a reluctant hero, if indeed he was one. He was the Negative Nelly of the movie and stepped up when he was proven to be right about imminent danger.

The second thing I noticed was that ALL of the insane were white people. And the third thing was that the only white person who could be a verified “hero” was a white blind guy. A pattern emerged.

I love literary patterns. These were a little obvious, but I still get cred for them. Check out new movies yourself. See if you can spot a black villain anymore. If I was an actor, I’d object. Villains are the most fun to play.

Sandra and the “last sane hero” on earth became Adam and Eve of this new non-looking world. They are a metaphor for when “we’re the last people on earth, there will be no racial tensions.”

Except that the buff, hot, black guy was the one who survived, for a few years anyway, because movie goers want Sandra to be with him, not with the non-buff guy, Charlie.  Charlie was a scaredy cat, but overcame his fears for the ultimate sacrifice.

So, even if civilization is over, Sandra should be with a buff guy.

Sandra and her newly minted SO never got to “look” again when they were outside, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. They gardened and shopped and shot game blindfolded.

Movie watchers are trying the blindfold thing out at home because producers are no longer warning people not to “try this at home.” See what happens? If I tried it, I’d be tripping over dogs, shoes, toys, furniture, what have you, but particularly dogs.

Toby and Sugar would be all over the place trying to figure out why I never took off that stupid blindfold. If I had small kids, they’d be peeking constantly. I’d have to glue their blindfolds on.

When Sandra was pregnant, she was unaffected by the events happening around her, as was another pregnant woman. Was this because we couldn’t accept suicide while pregnant? Or because pregnant women are supposed to not feel sadness? They haven’t met many pregnant women. Sandra wasn’t all that happy about being pregnant.

There were no dogs in this movie. Dogs don’t show up in most zombie or alien movies. What happened to all the animals in the world after the aliens took over in this movie? What happened to the animals in the zoos? Did twenty people suddenly walk into the tiger and bear enclosures during zoo hours and present themselves for devouring? That’s known as a “buffet” in the animal world.

The other thing I realized about the movie was that there is a religious metaphor at work, namely involving Christianity. The insane “white” people saw the “truth” and encouraged all those who weren’t insane to “just die already.” Since no minorities appeared to be “insane,” they couldn’t see this “truth.” They felt only sadness and despair.

I haven’t found this many metaphors in a movie for a long while. I’m not sure what the birds represent. There were three of them in a box and they became quite restless if an insane seeker of truth was about.

I just want to keep my dogs when the aliens invade. Is that too much to ask?

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