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A Woman's Guide To The Universe

The Tronald Backpedals To The Great Midwest

The Tronald backpedals to Ohio, to be more precise.

The Tronald backpedals already, on several issues, running true to form, just like a good little politician. I can’t be sure, but I think he may have made it to Cleveland by now, backpedaling all the way from New York on his 1965 Sting Ray with the high handlebars and banana seat, a coon tail tied to an antenna.

I think he cut that puppy right off my old Davy Crockett hat.

tronald backpedals to cleveland on chezgigi.com

That’s me and Fifi in our old Hudson. Or Dodge.  Fifi was really her name. She rode shotgun.

The antenna on his Sting Ray really works! Yes, it does.

It’s connected to a little transistor radio, which is tuned to the CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite. I don’t know how he got that little radio to pick up the stations all the way to Cleveland, but he’s got his own personal bike and transistor advisers.

Now, I don’t know about timelines, so I can’t say all these were backpedaled on after the election, during his wild ride to Cleveland, after his mom packed up some peanut butter and jelly samwishes for him.

I think he pedals furiously as soon as someone gets offended, so he’s going pretty fast, if you get my drift.

So far, I think he’s backpedaled on The Great Wall of Mexico. He’s decided to open a disco instead, re-naming it Disco Trump. It sits right next to the Trump casino in Las Vegas. Everyone is welcome. To spend money.

He’s backpedaled on the claim that Obama founded ISIS. Apparently, campaigns allow you to be unfailingly ‘sarcastic’, and if you ‘don’t get it’, too bad for you.

Riding backwards down the I-80 from New York, admittedly a rather dangerous thing to do, he almost hit a Khan. And then accused Khan of hitting him! Said, ‘Well, you aren’t supposed to be here, so it’s your fault. So there.’

After a short pause to slap Khan with a lawsuit, he was off again.

Passing a truck stop, he decided to get a Slushie and a pecan roll, tried to go right, when he should have gone more to the center, and rode backwards into a gas pump. He sued the gas pump in federal court, which hung him up for a few minutes in downtown Cleveland, and then changed his mind about ‘the birther’ controversy.

It now appears that Obama may really have been born here! Yeah, I don’t know what gas pumps have to do with anything, either. Maybe the gas was born in the Middle East. Haha!

He then rode backwards into a Fromage Stand, cut the cheese rather rudely, and decided to backpedal away from the climate change thing. It was getting chilly, so that may have had something to do with his change of heart.

Back in March, he was digging through his dad’s garage for his Sting Ray. He finally found it behind some old oil cans. THAT’S when he decided to hold doctors responsible for an abortion when it’s outlawed under his administration, rather than the woman.

What can I say? This bike really inspires him to stay in a previous era.

At any rate, as he sails backwards down the freeway, he gets to wave to all the Muslims he’s decided to ‘allow’ to stay in the United States. They were pretty excited.

So excited, they dropped all their tacks on the freeway where he was riding. He didn’t notice, because he was riding backwards. He has the money for a traveling pit crew, though. They had those tires changed in no time flat. Flat. Ha!

Turns out, his hair blows both ways.

tronald backpedals to cleveland on his sting ray on chezgigi.com

 

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8 Comments

  1. Terry E. Cohen

    Surely, THIS made you feel better!

    The one consolation for many in all this is, Jimmy Fallon and Alec Baldwin have 4 years of material! Same with Singify the News.

    • It did! And I’ve got it safely here, in case Quora decided to collapse it as a joke answer. Thank you, WordPress!
      I don’t know about the material; the Tronald may sue…

  2. Terry E. Cohen

    SONGify the News.

  3. Terry E. Cohen

    Search it on YouTube. They take snippets from news and the debates and turn them into songs. It’s hilarious.

  4. Ranne

    Brilliant, as usual.

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