ChezGigi

Fractured Fallacies of a Finagling Fact Finder and Obfuscating Humorist

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Gen X Drove Me Crazy: Mark Wahlberg Took The Driver’s Test

Gen X drove me crazy when Mark Wahlberg took the driving test. Maybe that’s normal for his generation. Millennials don’t seem to want to drive, and a lot of Gen Xers gave it up for Lent, so why would any of them study for the written DMV driver’s test if they aren’t going to drive? When they need a ride, they take an Uber, whose driver actually knows which signal to use and why.

They are going to have to pry the car keys out of the cold, dead hands of the Boomers.

Gen X precedes the Millennials. As a Boomer, I babysat the Gen Xers and made some good money doing so. At least, for the 70s I did. That was when the minimum wage was less than $4, and fifty cents, pooled by all your friends, would get you a couple of gallons of gas.

Every time I hear that a teen is making $20 or more an hour babysitting, I have a metaphorical meltdown, boring everyone around me with horror stories of making $.50 an hour.

Below is a Breakfast Club definition of a Gen Xer, which Marky Mark Wahlberg is, having been born almost to the day I graduated high school: June 5,1971.

There’s probably a Gen X’er (born between 1965 to 1981), close to you. Not that you noticed. They’re normally known as the slackers, the latchkey kids, the middle-child generation. Caught between boomers and younger Millennials, Generation X is mainly known for being neglected and ignored.

I beg to differ that I “ignored” Gen Xers. My nephew was one, and I had fun toting him all over the place.

My son is a millennial, and doesn’t have his driver’s license, which makes him the opposite of a Boomer right there. He has size 17 feet, and wears steel toed sneaker boots that cover the entire floorboard from gas pedal to brake. It’s frightening to think about. We need a Shaquille O’Neal car.

Boomers were plotting to drive as soon as they were born. My son would have been an embarrassing little brother for Mark Wahlberg because it would prove his mom still had sex at the age of 40.

Gen X drove me crazy on ChezGigi.com

Gen X was still into cars, like the Boomers were, but when it comes to knowing how to learn the answers to a test, Mr. Wahlberg proved he had been seriously ignored in school.

The MOTH (man of the house), and I were fooling around with YouTube on our television after we’d hooked it up through that Slinger AirFryer thing.

An Ellen Degeneres interview with Mark Wahlberg popped up. Ellen gave him an verbal practice driver’s test taken from the DMV handbook using index cards. His daughter was about to take her driver’s test and Mark claimed he was helping his daughter pass it.

Ellen starts the test at 6:26:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhnni__Ivmc

I do hope dear old dad didn’t coach his daughter for her upcoming exam. In fact, I kind of hope he didn’t help his kids with any homework or tests.

One of the multiple choice questions Ellen posed to Mark was, “When you park on a level street, do you park within 18 inches of the curb, turn the wheels outward, or hop out and do the merengue before sacrificing a chicken in the noonday sun?”

It must be 50 years since I took the driver’s test, but I answered it in five seconds. Marky Mark couldn’t answer it because he was too busy debating the question and the fifty possible scenarios that might occur during this putative “drive” he was taking for the test.

To hide the fact that he doesn’t know squat about parallel parking on a level street, or what to do with his wheels when he parks (I think he suggests people take the wheels off the car and tie them to the roof), he asks Ellen, “Who has the right of way when two cars meet on a narrow steep road?”

Is it the driver going up, or the driver going down? Mark asks Ellen.

This question never shows up on a driver’s test unless there’s a snowy day in San Francisco, and the answer depends on which driver has the space to let the other driver over so they can pass.

Also, his question was irrelevant to the question at hand.

Irrelevance be damned. Mark then tells Ellen that it’s not okay to park 18 inches away from the curb. Oh, no. That simply isn’t “done.” In other words, he has not got a clue.

The next question was, “How far down the road should a driver look while driving?” The choices were, “Look at the horizon;” “Look 10 to 15 seconds ahead,” or “Look 3 car lengths ahead.”

Mark debated that question with her, too, for at least two minutes after I had answered it in five seconds, which is half the time needed to look down the road. He kept mentioning the number of “feet” the question mentioned, except the word “feet” never set foot in the answer choices. Not even once.

Kitties came up, though, because Mark asked Ellen where a driver should look to avoid running one over. I’m sure Mark travels by limo everywhere, because this guy never took a test and passed it in his life, unless it was how many kitties it takes to drive a car.

Gen X drove me crazy on Chezgigi.com
Where are the kitties?

After Ellen gave up and threw the DMV book over her shoulder, I had an insight as to why and when kids no longer graduated high school in the same numbers as the Boomers, and why they had to go to detention in the library.

Just because I never met a test I couldn’t debate, I got sent to detention

Sometime in the 60s, schools said kids should be taught to “think critically,” but something got lost in the translation. It does not mean to question everything the DMV puts on paper. The DMV invented the driving test in a lame attempt to ensure safer roads and knowledgeable drivers.

In other words, you don’t look for the bias against kitties in every test. You look for bias against poor people or job loss, in a novel about the Depression. You question the perspective of the characters in To Kill a Mockingbird, or Lord of the Flies.

Failing to do either of those will not affect a person’s ability to earn a driver’s license in the state of California.

“Your Honor, could you just ask the witness to answer the damn question without all the stuff about kittens?”

I run into this all the time in interactions on the internet.

A Gen Xer or a Millennial will drive me crazy over my choice of words, or whether I seem to give a rat’s behind about what they’ve just said, no matter how mundane it is. Often, we Boomers don’t give a rat’s behind about it. When we grew up we heard a lot about “being mellow.”

We stand behind being mellow. When we feel like it, that is.

These are broad statements, I’m aware. Not all Gen Xers or Millennials fail at driver’s tests, I’m sure.

They can and will blithely overlook what you did say, focus on what they assume you said, just so they can argue with you over what they want to say.

Play along the best you can and toss those note cards over your shoulder. Epic fail ahead.

Ellen starts the test at 6:26:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. Wolfman/Moth

    Ah yes my Love,the safety and financial future of our Nation should be of serious concern to all. However the current generation seems to have no interest in the function of our society or Government, least of all knowing a problem exists or trying to repair it.
    It would appear to me that the current generation have few practical goals and no real desire to create,repair or build. It would seem that they wish the system to care for them from cradle to grave without any effort on their part. I pray that the ones that have drive and goals will take take on the task of caring for our world. I thank you My Love for pointing out one of the many idiocies of our times,

    • I hope it isn’t that bad, because Gen X is hitting their 50s already. I think your explanation was good: that admitting there’s a problem means they have to fix it. Soon, it will be up to the Millennials to fix it.

  2. Mary N

    My six nieces and nephews ( 3 of each, tge sisters planned together well) all gen X, all drive. But half of them don’t have cats and never have. Cone to think, that’s the guys who don’t have cars. The girls do. Don’t know what that means. In any case, that’s 50% who don’t drive and don’t care. Hummm

    • It’s getting very odd out there. Who doesn’t want to drive? I took the cones home from school and practiced my parallel parking with an Oldsmobile! The BIG one. I passed my test in one and never saw a kitty.

      I just got a comment from one who thinks my suggesting a disrespectful child be sent to their room is “barbaric.” That we can raise “empathetic” kids or we can punish them. I blocked him, needless to say, after realizing his method has introduced a new generation of bullies who cause kids to commit suicide. Ugh!

      No doubt doing chores, saying thank you, and apologizing are all “barbaric” practices as well.

  3. Mary N

    Don’t know how the cats keep sneaking in! Yes, I do. They’re cats!
    With the amount of stuff kids have in their rooms it ain’t a punishment to get sent there. And some days we need a little “barbaric “ around here.

    • We sure do. Remember George Carlin? “They’re sending me to my room? That’s where all my stuff is!” Haha!

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