Fractured Fallacies of a Finagling Fact Finder and Obfuscating Humorist

A Woman's Guide To The Universe, Internet Stuff

Birthday Greetings From The Docs

Were it not for birthday greetings from the docs, or dentists, or aestheticians, or anyone else to whom we give personal info, people may never remember our birthdays, including us.

The last time I was excited about a birthday, I was about to turn 21. Though I didn’t drink much even after I was allowed to legally, I thought the singles bars held all the mysteries of the universe.

Yeah. They do. Just not the ones we need to know.

I was chomping at the bit to go where my parents didn’t want me to go. If they had allowed me to have all the maraschino cherries or tiny martini onions I wanted, or let me wander into dim bars and soak up the atmosphere at the age of nine, I wouldn’t have bothered with bars when I reached legitimacy.

After the 21st birthday, everything is downhill. Except for the 50th birthday. If you are still here to turn 50, you get to celebrate that you are still here to turn 50. That’s half a century! You will receive birthday greetings from AARP.

Image result for aarp birthday greetings

It was my birthday week last week and I was amazed at how many people remembered and sent greetings.

Five friends sent me electronic greetings and one sent a great card (thanks, Will!), and three family members wished me happy returns. One friend pretended he remembered when I thanked him for the birthday call, but he was busted when he didn’t know which day it was.

This year my birthday fell on National Siblings Day, but not one cootie did I receive in the mail. To be fair, cooties are hard to catch anymore.

The government was the first to send me a birthday greeting. I thought theirs would be the only one. They used to send them to young men who had reached The Age of Cannon Fodder.

When you reach the 66th birthday, the government contacts you again. They kindly wrote to tell me I was one year older and that I was a burden on them. Should I wish to bungee jump from The Strat (that’s the Stratosphere for those who don’t live here, and I just found out myself), they won’t stand in my way. They won’t stand under me, either.

This was the magic birthday when I actually reached the true age of retirement by living through my entire 65th year. Uncle Sam rewarded me with an extra thirty some dollars in my paycheck.

Before all the greetings arrived however, I received good wishes from various businesses I frequent, or had frequented in the past. They filled my inbox:

My eye doctor, a mortgage lender, the dentist, and a couple of businesses I did not remember, but I think they are chiropractors (or maybe they were psychics hoping they’d impress me so much with their skill, I would hire them), and one that I think was a facial or hair salon.

These people need to clean out their files. If I can’t even remember who they are or what they do for a living, it’s a good bet their birthday greetings fall on deaf ears.



Please follow and like us:
Follow by Email


  1. Vincine Fallica

    I’d been recycling birthday cards, back when service providers actually sent cards, to my friend and relatives on their birthdays. All you have to do is cross out your name and write the new recipient’s, and cross out the provider’s name and send yours. It’s fun and easy, and good for the environment too!

  2. Wolfman/Moth

    As usual my Love, you turn a potential tragedy into a humorous anecdote.
    With all my Love again, I wish you the happiest of days, any and all.
    By the way, lets just forget mine for the next decade or so.
    As you seem to get brighter and fresher each year, I, on the other hand, seem to resemble the portrait of Dorian Gray more and more as the years race by. :>}

  3. Mary

    March 10, huh. Happy Birthday medium old broad. I’m still older than you and wish that meant I was wiser!
    Hope you had a good one with chocolate cake. Behave yourself, you have to be an example to the younglings.

    • “Medium old.” Now there’s a birthday wish! I don’t wanna be an example! At least, not a good one. Tch. Thank you, Mary!

  4. Mickey

    Hey funny lady, I’m neither a doctor or a dentist, etc. and *throat clear* who remembered your birthday?? Hmm….

    • You did! You are one of the ones I credited with remembering and amazing me! I miss our convos. We need to have a nice, long talk so I can catch up with you. Big hugs!

      • Mickey

        Yesss I did and yesss you did! Long talk soon, we keep playing phone tag gurl…. you’re it! Loved the post btw, you’re such a great writer, cornball and the belly laughs were therapeutic!!

        • Excellent! Thank you! When I don’t think I’ll whine the whole time, I will try again. Actually, I did and got VM. I hope you got that? Let me write it down. If I don’t write something down, I forget. Hugs!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Theme by Anders Norén

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)