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Fractured Fallacies of a Finagling Fact Finder and Obfuscating Humorist

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A Woman's Guide To The Universe

Multi Tasking Is A Multi Crock

Multi tasking is a multi crock. Put down the ironing, your library book, and the kitchen knives and let me tell you why.

Have you ever met someone who brags that they can ‘multi task?’ With their eight human-octopus hands and mad skilz, they can write, watch the kids, sell a house, cook a roast, and knit a dog.

With one hand tied behind their back. (I’ve always wondered how that works; what do they tie your hand to?)

multi tasking on chezgigi.com

I think I left the tub on at home.

On Saturday I cleaned as usual.

I vacuumed, sweated, dusted, sweated, cleared clutter, sweated, and cursed the day I was born. This is all normal behavior.

On Saturdays no one is home but me. It’s safe to both curse and sweat profusely. Occasionally I’ll clean when other people are home in hopes I’ll get help, but it never works out that way. How can people really help you vacuum anyway, unless you own two vacuums? If you need furniture moved, I guess another person is good to have around, unless they suddenly develop ‘back problems’.

After I was finished with the housework, I started a bath. And completely spaced. I’d been studying, thinking of an upcoming appointment, thinking about writing, what I would write about, what I had written about, etcetera, etcetera, to quoth the King of Siam in the person of Yul Brynner.

I suddenly remembered the tub and walked around the corner from the kitchen to the hallway.

There was my dog, Sugar, standing in the hall, staring open mouthed toward the bathroom and pointing frantically. She was wearing a doggy sized life vest and had goggles and a snorkel on. I know it’s rude to point, but she doesn’t speak English.

People call female dogs bad names, and not warning people of a possible flood is one of the reasons they call them that.

I followed her gaze into the bathroom. There was a tsunami heading our way. If you guessed that the tub had overflowed and had been overflowing for several minutes, you are correct.

multi tasking is a multi crock on chezgigi.com

I’ve got to teach them how to turn the faucet off.

The tub waters roared majestically over the rim of the tub and across the shoreline of the door sill. It swept houses, cars, trees, and shampoo bottles along in its path, picking up a few bath toys on its way, like my rubber ducky who was bobbing cheerfully along past the sink and the potty. The death toll of bath toys still has not been confirmed.

The water finally swamped itself three feet into the carpeting in the hallway and was trying to move the finish line even further away.

It took fifty pounds of towels, which started out at around two pounds, flung down and tromped on twice, and dragging a hundred pound dripping bath rug through the house to the washing machine, to start getting things back to normal.  The carpet was finally feeling better after the stomping. I gave it some wine, too. Just to help its feelings along. (I drank it, though.)

Related image

I must go to sea, Mother. Here comes the flood.

Last night, some woman called the MOTH to ask for help with her mobile device. He explained that his business used to be called ‘Mobile Services’, because it was automotive repair, but he changed it when he moved into a brick and stick building.

“Well, can you help me with my mobile device?” she asked him after he’d just explained that he worked on cars only. He chose to take it in a serious spirit, but he did tell her he couldn’t multi task like the old days. I can verify that. I’m not that much of a multi tasker anymore myself and I keep my mobile device at home.

Related image

I’m not a pointer, but I try.

 

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14 Comments

  1. Nelson Mary

    And this is all after you washed the bathroom floor, I bet. Even the flood couldn’t multi task!
    I had hand surgery a while back. (Coming along fine) but I’m out of the cooking and cleaning duty for a while. Amazing how unimportant cleaning became to husband person. And he is very happy to call for or drive for prepared food!
    I may not worry about cleaning nearly as much once I have my hand back!

    • I found out how unimportant when I had back surgery. It was several months before the house was back to normal. Don let Brandon off duty at the shop, and he stayed home with me for a month. I got waited on hand and foot. It was nice. I hope you get better soon, Mary! (Our bathroom is very small, so it was clean after that flood.)

      • Nelson Mary

        The hand is healing. Just amazing how important a thumb is. The current goal is to be able to button and fasten things. Somehow I don’t heal as quickly as I did 20 years ago. Funny thing about that.
        Take care of yourself!

  2. Caroline Zeller

    Awwwe, you have a rubber ducky too.
    What’s her name?

  3. WOLFMAN

    Just as are You the story was adorable.
    I really liked the pics you found for better graphic illustration.

    You are the Best Honey what more can I say :>}

  4. Ranne

    Sweating and cursing while cleaning all at the same time? How multi is that! OX

  5. Carolyn

    Love it! And especially love the term MOTH!!!! Hysterical!

  6. Craig Mowbray

    Lady Wolfingham,

    I can barely carry out a single task never mind multiple! Which leads me on to the subject of all those ‘How to get ahead in business’ books that would reveal umpteen ways in which you should incorporate in order to become more efficient with your work and save you time.

    Time to do what? Time to do more work of course!

    As you can imagine I have not subscribed to this line of reasoning and believe there is room for a series of books based around the concept of ‘How to minimise the amount of work you can get away with, and release yourself to do absolutely nothing…in style’.

    Of course, as you can imagine this has required a quite considerable amount of personal research the completion of which I estimate to be in around another couple of decades or so.

    Don’t throw out the pickles and beware of those snorty pups.

    C.

    • Do you see, Mowbray? This is why I like you. Because you are willing to work diligently teaching people how to do nothing. In fact, I think we should collaborate on the series. I’ll knock you up after my nap.

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