Fractured Fallacies of a Finagling Fact Finder and Obfuscating Humorist

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A Woman's Guide To The Universe

The Harmonica Is Easy To Vacuum Under

The harmonica is easy to vacuum under, but you probably aren’t supposed to consider that factor when choosing a musical instrument. I do consider it, however. I’m the one who has to do the vacuuming. Vacuuming under a piano isn’t too difficult, but it’s easier to tote around a harmonica in your pocket.

Actually playing the harmonica seems relatively easy. Breathe in, breathe out, make a pretty sound. Try that with a trumpet. Try it with a piano. Ha.

I was inspired to learn harmonica after reading over and over about other people’s Fun With Musical Instruments. I knew it wasn’t practical to buy a trombone or a harp and I’ve tried drums. Playing the drum solo from Wipeout by The Ventures was on my bucket list, and I used to beat on upturned buckets to prove it. I still do that. I have Fun with Housecleaning.

I really wanted to play the trumpet, and my mom was supportive about it. She said, “Go try and actually blow one. You’ll change your mind.” At least it would have kept my cheeks in top condition.

The drum lesson was interesting and I would love to be the kick ass old lady who can play them, but I don’t think it’ll happen in this lifetime. I’ll have to be content with tapping on the table with chopsticks when we go to a Chinese restaurant. My reward shall be getting to eat Chinese.

I ordered a harmonica from Amazon. It came in a little box, with a little book, and a regular size CD. A learner size of everything. The harmonica itself is just double the size of a Hallowe’en trick or treat candy bar.

The numbers on it are so small, you have to be five years old to see them. I suspect that this particular harmonica learning kit is for a five year old, ergo, it’s just right for me.

the harmonica is easy to vacuum under on

I guess some harmonicas are the size of Cleveland, but this one is small. Not so small I might accidentally swallow it, though. Thank goodness. I’ve swallowed my gum breathing in too quickly, so a harmonica would be worse.

The MOTH (Man of the House) saw this box full of harmonica, and requested only that I learn and practice when I’m alone. I could get down with that. Literally. That’s how musical people talk.

But when I tried it alone, I forgot I’m never really alone.

Sugar, my dog, jumped up on the sofa, and acted out her part of music critic by trying to take my little toy away. She refused to let me blow in and out on my mouth harp in peace.

I’m going to learn this thing, even  if I have to build a sound proof room to do it. Sugar can go in there and wait.

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  1. Kat Rectenwald

    Yes! Very good idea.

    • Kat!! You came and visited! What’s a good idea? For Sugar to take the harmonica away from me? Brat!

      Woo hoo! I’m so glad you commented!

      • Nelson Mary

        I was playing (?) a kazoo a while back and my younger cat, Emma, took it very far away. Haven’t seen it since.
        Everyone thinks they’re a critic.

        • Mary! So good to see you here. Are you serious? She just took it and buried it in the kitty litter? What a c. By that I mean cat. Thanks for reading, Cookie!

          • Nelson Mary

            Yes, I is here too! I is everywhere!
            Emma took my kazoo and I truly haven’t seen it. Not in the litter, not under the bed. She found a really special spot. Cats!

          • Not in the park, not in the dark. Haha! Well, build a sound proof room and put HER in it to play your kazoo. Sheesh. Animals.

          • Nelson Mary


      • Kat

        Dammit, I just found this from six months ago while I stalked myself. Someone has to do it 🙂
        Well, learning how to play the harmonica, of course!

  2. Mickey

    This was cute, and funny, Gigi! I had an old harmonica, and in it’s original case, I think it had belonged to my grandfather. I let my ex-husband have it when we were dating and we belted out a bunch of racket on it, for a minute or two, too long! lol. Far as I know he still has it, eh, he wouldn’t be playing it though, of course, and neither would I. Sheesh!

    Yep, those numbers are microscopic, how people learn to play? Hmm, let’s ask Bob Dylan! Good thing we didn’t have our cat Charlie yet, poor thing would have freaked and ran under the bed. He may have even sympathized with Sugar… Okay, maybe not.

    • He and Sugar could set up a howl, the blighters. Everybody’s a critic. You should have kept your grandpa’s harmonica, Mickey. I have my grandfather’s antique typewriter! So cool.

      • Mickey

        Well Charlie has passed. 🙁 During my divorce I had to have him put down at 18. So hard to do that. Yep, guess I should have kept the harmonica, but oh well. Those kinds of things have sentimental value, like the typewriter. I never knew my grandfathers. Sigh.

        • Wow, 18. That is the entire length of a human’s childhood, Mickey. That must have been so hard. If you ever can, you should get another wonderful, loving, loyal companion. And I don’t mean a man! Snort.

          • Mickey

            Yes it was very traumatic for me Gigi. I’d like to get another, maybe two, as soon as I get a couple of things figured out with my move. I’ll go to a no kill shelter. Hard not to take them all though, so sad.

          • I can imagine. Even the death of other people’s pets hurts. Don told me once I should go to the pound to save an animal from being put down. But he would have to do that, or someone else, but I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t pick one and leave the others to die.

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