Fractured Fallacies of a Finagling Fact Finder and Obfuscating Humorist

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Leo And Mike Two Artists From The Renaissance, Get Quorphaned: A Quora Story

This is a story about Leonardo and Michelangelo and why we eat round pizza out of a square box, cut in triangles:

Leo and Mike, two artists from the Renaissance with whom you might be familiar, are languishing in obscurity on Quora. They got collapsed by malicious forces in the future, which is now, and I am going to give them a home.

The explanation for their collapse on Quora can be found under the Vesuvius Guy at the end of this story, a short way down. If you scroll slowly, you’ll see it.

Leonardo da Vinci was struggling with this question:

Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and then eat them in triangles? We also pay for them in rectangles, so I suspect a geometric conspiracy. Our days are numbered. Please read on…

Long ago, during the Renaissance, art, literature, and sitcoms were enjoying a rebirth. It’s quite astounding that the rebirth of these things coincided with the name of the era. How did they manage that?

It’s like The Great Depression. Things coincided with that, too, like the discovery of the Mariana Trench and the Grand Canyon, psychotherapy, and potholes. Quite interesting.

Anywho, the story of the answer to this puzzle is amazing.

Leonardo Da Vinci and Michaelangelo were hanging out one day. They’d wandered into a cathedral, and were sitting in a pew in the quiet, empty church. Mike was leaning back, his elbows propped on the back of the seat, enjoying the cool darkness after the blazing sun outside and was staring up at the ceiling in a preoccupied way.

Leo had stubbed his toe on a paving stone the day before and he’d propped his foot on his knee to rub it. It was still throbbing. His girlfriend, Mona, had sneered at him, and refused to tend to his injury, even though he was an artist and she was just a model.

leo and mike, two artists from the renaissance on

He was complaining to Mike about his selfish girlfriend and about not having closed toe shoes like the other artists. All he had were sandals. Mike told him to ‘shut up, cavrone. The Lord Jesus only wore sandals, so Leo could just deal.’ Leo got ticked and called him a ‘house painter with a Napoleon complex’ and went back to rubbing his toe.

They bickered in this fashion until a nun popped her head out of the rectory and shouted, “Sh!” at them. She had a look on her face that said she meant business. They started giggling and couldn’t stop.

Oh! To see Leonardo da Vinci and Michaelangelo (did he have another name, or was he like Cher?), giggle was something to see. You’d never know they’d been born during the Depression, would you?

They both went home, and Leo yapped to his mom for so long about his toe that she finally made him a mixture of flour and water to put on it, and then went back to watching her soap, The Borgias and the Medicis: The Bad and the Bombastic.

Leo had been wanting to replace the papier mache he’d been using to build his artistic stuff. He plucked the toe band aid off, rolled it into a ball, and then began to shape it into a dog, a squirrel, a little bird, an ashtray-whatever struck his fancy.

Some of his early efforts with this medium are on display at his Grandma’s house, and if you’re ever in Florence, and would like to see that junk, go. Please leave a lira or Euro in the lumpy ashtray placed near the door.

Leo rolled the dough out flat with his mom’s rolling pin, because he liked laying down in the middle of it. He made snow angels with his arms and legs, or in this case, dough angels, in the circle.

Here he is below, in a picture that was caught by a surveillance camera set up by some guys from the Petrucci family for their new television show, Italy’s Funniest Videos.

See how Leo is in a circle, inside a square? And his arms and legs make triangles? This is why we eat round pizzas in a square box, cut in triangles. Voila! Voi freaking la. I have solved the puzzle!

What does this picture mean? More accurately, what did Leo mean by this? Was he stoned when he created this dough boy? Is that why Vesuvius Guy looks like he’s trying to fly? Because he’s trying to get away before old Vesu blows?

Leo might have been stoned, but the best thing to come out of all his messing around this way was…drum roll…Pizza!

His mom had forgotten to make dinner, she’d been so involved in her ‘stories’, so she’d grabbed Leo’s dough when he’d got up to go to the bathroom, threw some tomato sauce and cheese on it, and baked it, ignoring the fact Leo’s bottom had been on it. When he yelled at her for destroying his fun creation, she’d told him ‘Piz off, she was his mom, and he wasn’t too big to spank’.

Leo liked his mom’s new dish so much, he served a pizza at the last supper he and Mike had that summer. (You thought I was going to be irreverent, didn’t you?)

leo and mike two artists from the renassiance on

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  1. Terry E. Cohen

    Some seriously good plays on words in this one.

  2. Will Jennings

    Unless or until you are to return to Quora, my account there shall remain deactivated. And there are others. Word is spreading fast!

    • OMG, Jennings! I know you have good friends there! You didn’t have to do that. You’re awesome, my man. I wasn’t planning to be gone long, just until I calmed down. Which could take anywhere from a week to eternity. Usually a week. Snort. I’m just so damn angry. Not to be informed of collapses or violations in any way, shape, or form, and when answers are downvoted, you can do nothing. Absolutely nothing.

      Well, I have more time to harass you, now. So there’s that. Big kiss!

      • Will Jennings

        I was a Deputy Sheriff, Attorney, and married. Therefore, I am used to being harassed and insulted. Bring it on!

    • Annabelle Chappell

      You are a loyal friend!

      I’m mad as hell and am complaining to Quora!

  3. Ranne

    They are seriously cognitively challenged. VCR answer was a total upvote. What I don`t understand is how they managed to get enough downvotes to collapse anything when only one vote per IRL is allowed. Guess I am pretty challenged when it comes to understand how it works. Just don`t stop the fight!

    • Thanks, Ms. R! I don’t understand how it works, either. No one does. Not even the top people. Snort. If it only takes three or so to downvote and collapse an answer, than it should take only that many and one more to uncollapse it. These are my suspicions, and of course, I have no proof. ‘Those three’ have little to no imagination. People with no imagination have caused more problems for the human race, and held us back more than any germ or weapon.

  4. Mickey

    Hi Gigi! I just received notice of this update. You’re cracking me up before I even get a couple of lines read. I’m sorry you’re still being bullied by ‘the group’, including many of their followers (some are\were, yours too, weird). I’m actually aware of the comments on the Quora question, “What Made You Angry Today.” I was told, maybe two or three nights ago by two friends. I went and looked today, but some of the comments have been deleted, as you’ve just mentioned, that’s odd. Hmm.

    If no one stops this hurtful drama, it just keeps on going, and going, and going. It’s like the Energizer Bunny! But at least it gives you hilerious material for your blog, and maybe that’s it, jealousy??

    Hang in there, and if you get banned I’m sending a long email to someone I know before I too, leave. There are some things moderation should actually be aware of, but I don’t want to bring them up unless I feel forced to. I prefer to keep them confidential, for now that is. Your real friends have your back, and we care. Thanks for keeping us laughing, here on ChezGigi, on Medium, and of course, on Quora. Btw, I was here, and on Medium last night!! Talk soon!!

    • Hey Mickey! You’re so fine, you blow my mind! Listen, chica, this has turned out to be the biggest favor they could ever do me. I’ve got more material than I can use, some of it thanks to you!

      So much fun talking to you! Thank you for your support and all the laughter, sweetie!

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