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A Woman's Guide To The Universe

Robot Suitcase: Mine Is Smarter Than Yours

My robot suitcase, if I had one, would be everything to me. It would be more than the sun and the trees; more than the dog, more than my knees. I wax poetic.

I have a friend who would love a robot suitcase. She flies a lot. She’d probably prefer a Transformer Suitcase called Optimus Prime that packs for her, and then drives her to the airport.

Actually, she’d probably drive it to the airport, let it go on the trip for her, and then kick back at home while Robot Slutcase makes eyes at the cockpit.

Tch.

Those guys already have suitcases at home; suitcases that have been with them for years, and borne their clothing from hither and yon. Which is from Cleveland to Dallas and LA to NY for you noobs.

my robot suitcase on chezgigi.com

But first things first.

We almost have access to the car which will drive her to the airport and then go park itself. Maybe even go home and park, so there are no pesky parking fees when she comes home. It can clean the house while she’s gone, too. But no cruising the downtown picking up just anybody.

As long as it doesn’t stop for a cheeseburger and fries and make a mess on itself. We’ll have to depend on those ubiquitous cameras to keep tabs on what our cars are doing while we’re away. Of course, the BBQ sauce mustache on its front bumper would be a dead giveaway.  Will cars have an expectation of privacy?

Will they do a Christine if we dare to change the radio station?

Image result for christine

Now there’s a smart suitcase for globe trotters that follows its human and doesn’t even need a passport. In fact, trotting is no longer necessary because there’s a riding suitcase, which is my personal favorite. If you decide to trot around the globe, I hope you can keep up with your robot suitcase, Skeeter.

These cases will be just like your dog, and try to trip you up in the kitchen. My son was just barking at the dog about that this morning. Sugar kept dogging his footsteps, and he claimed she ‘was trying to trip him’. Well, if a dog can be that evil, I guess a suitcase can, too.

The Transformer Packing Assistant part of Optimus Prime will have to wait. There is a hotel with no humans working in it or running it, so robot suitcases that check in without their people tagging along is a viable possibility. I wonder what they would pack, though? Underwear, tee shirts, jeans? Or just extra batteries and software? Soft wear!

I hope mine takes lots of pictures and brings me back souvenirs! Will it have to buy an extra bag to carry the things it’s bought?

My flying friend is always looking for the perfect suitcase the way I’m always looking for the perfect notebook or pen. I’ve found my writing Nirvana notebook, and now I think my friend will have reached the pinnacle of her traveling dream.

A tear rolled down my cheek when I watched these videos:

I do foresee problems with these tag along suitcases. Grab your handle and let’s check our bags to see what’s up, shall we?

As they pass in the airport, one will start humping another one. A sleeker, smaller one. (The ones with the zippers that go ALL the way around are especially erotic, don’t you think?) These robot suitcases will stop when they see each other and preen, while their humans wait impatiently and whine about ‘missing their flight’. One will show the other its ‘drawers’, or cubes, while the other looks haughty and polishes its Blue tooth.

Owners will be yanking at the USB ports, trying to separate the two electronic luggage lovers, which are exchanging who knows what sensitive information in their electronic neural pathways.

Underwear will explode in an unseemly display of passion, all over the terminal, boxers and briefs mixed with thong panties and bras.

Forget that noise. I have enough trouble making Sugar stop humping me after I’ve given her a bite of chicken.

So I’m going to sell everything and buy one of the riding suitcases. Look at it! If they don’t have an extra seat on the plane, what do you care? You’ve got your own freaking seat, and should there be a mechanical, just get off and tootle the rest of the way to Omaha on your suitcase, waving bye bye to the rest of the passengers who are gazing mournfully after your retreating bottom.

It goes 8 miles an hour! According to the video, having one of these things is like getting a toupee or wearing a tampon, where suddenly, say the commercials, when you have a full head of hair or no longer have to worry about ‘bulky pads’, you can go to the beach, jump out of an airplane, go water skiing, or just ride wildly around at the park on your suitcase  and have a glorious time. I want that.

This thing is as good as a motor home, uses less gas, and takes up less space in the garage. Stick an umbrella in the back and make it a convertible. Wear a visor and ignore the bugs that lodge in your teeth.

I’m going to add a cup holder though, a tiny microwave, an awning, and a lounge chair. See? Find a great place to live and right away start planning extensions, renovations, and improvements.

Or you could go vintage.

living out of a robot suitcase on chezgigi.com

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4 Comments

  1. Will Jennings

    It’ll never work for women, if you really think about it.

    Last time I took a woman on a weekend trip, she took 2 suitcases plus a carry-on. *sigh*.
    I took a carry-on.

    I mean, why do you need 6 pairs of shoes for a weekend at the beach?

    (I admit this occurred in the last century, so things may have changed. But, I doubt it.)

    • Because, Smart Guy, ya got your flip flops, your sandals, your jogging shoes, your evening shoes, your just walking around and shopping shoes- how many is that? Ah, five. See? Plus, she’s carrying all the crap you’ll need but don’t want to carry yourself. “Oh, can I borrow that?” “No.”

  2. wolfman

    Very cute my Love. It also poses some ego issues because as the creation of man we may find that these little critters evolve egos like their creators.
    Elbowing for frontsies in line. Racing to be first at the checkout counter.
    Refusing to leave your side and be stowed in the cargo hold. Developing male/female characteristics. Not allowing other luggage to get too close to you. I see jousting matches for men and accessorizing for our ladies. Custom wheels swanky colored spill covers fake eye lashes and lips.

    Oh yes, my Dear, I see great possibilities and maybe a second income for you and I. :>} Love, your MOTH.

    • Yep! You came up with all kinds of obstacles to a peaceful trip to the airport. Ha! Thank you, MOTH. Love you, too!

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