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Fractured Fallacies of a Finagling Fact Finder and Obfuscating Humorist

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A Woman's Guide To The Universe

Smoking In Your Car With Kids In It Is Against The Law In Some Places, So Leave The Kids At Home

If you want to smoke in your car, just leave the kids at home alone. They’ll be fine.

As of last year some time (I was smoking in a dark bar at the time and missed the announcement), in certain places in the world, smoking in your car while your kids are in it became against the law.

In fact, you can’t light up with anyone 18 or under in your car. So make sure your pre-schoolers have their IDs handy.

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And don’t ask to bum a cigarette from that high school student. He’s already supplying your marijuana. Asking him for a smoke will just make it worse.

I don’t know if this new law applies to Indonesian drivers and their kids. The kids there start smoking just about the time they give up the boobie. Maybe before.

An Indonesian baby reclines in his mama’s arms, alternately sucking on the boob, and then taking a drag of a cigarette. There’s nothing like a boob and a cigarette. Ask around. You’ll see.

I just hope the baby doesn’t get in trouble for sharing a cigarette with his parents.

Image result for indonesian smoking baby

This new law forbidding you to smoke in your car with passengers under 18 has nothing to do with the way you drive and everything to do with the way you raise your children.

People who are jumping up and down for joy over this law should be prepared to open the door to their homes when investigators arrive to make sure you aren’t feeding the kids Cheetos, or keeping Playboy magazines in the house. If you are, give them a beer too, to go with the Cheetos and naked pupkus.

In order to avoid getting fined for having a smoke while you drive-the smoke that takes the place of the glass of wine they won’t let you have in the car while you’re forced to be alone with those little hellions-just leave the kids at home.

Lock the doors and pull the blinds, because you probably don’t have a babysitter.

If you don’t leave them home when you go to the grocery store, you’ll have an accident when you duck under the steering wheel trying to avoid the gritty-eyed stare of a cop, looking to give you a ticket for smoking IN YOUR OWN PRIVATE CAR.

This law really burns me. Not that I drive carloads of kids around. I do drive with my dog, Sugar in the car. Some people want to make it against the law to smoke around your pets. It’s a slippery slope. I always suspected she was plotting to take over the world so she could boss me around.

“Let’s go to the park, now! You know I don’t drive. Let’s go, woman.”

Perhaps it won’t be the cops who pull you over, but the Pregnancy Police, those arbiters of all that is healthy. This agency works closely with the Food Police.

After the Smoking Police pull you over for smoking in your car with a kid present, the Food Police will rifle your grocery bags to make sure you bought broccoli and apples, instead of chips and hot dogs.

Then, they’ll throw the book at you with the charge that the children aren’t wearing Kate Spade For Kids. The book will be the Sears catalogue. Or the JC Penney’s annual one. Not the kind that come in the mail. The kind that people once used in their outhouses as toilet paper.

Look at the size of this thing. You can really nail someone by throwing this book at them. Maybe put them out until the kids are grown:

smoking in your car is against the law

This book lasted until the spring catalog came out, so these people never had to worry about wiping with corn cobs.

Not having the latest fashions makes a kid’s life miserable, and you should be ashamed of yourself.  This kid is dressed better than I’ve ever dressed.

smoking in your car is against the law on chezgigi.com

If you want to get around this no smoking in your car with kids law, you could take a chainsaw to the roof of your car (which WILL void the warranty) because smoking in a convertible is okay, regardless of who’s in it.

You’ll put a few eyes out when the red-hot ash flies off and into the face of the kids, but they can’t ticket you for that. At least, not yet.

As for me, I’m working on a new law for people over 50.

Kids of 13,14,15, all the way up to 18, are not allowed to ride with us.

The smoking, the drugs, the sexting, the sending of pornographic pictures to friends, the swearing, and the slutty clothes are bad for my health.

And the kids do all those things, too. That’s where I learned it.

http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2016/07/is_it_illegal_to_smoke_in_a_ca.html

 

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2 Comments

  1. Will Jennings

    Ahh, “Father (Govmint) Knows Best”.

    At my prior home of 67 acres, (where God had installed an 8 acre lake) I couldn’t install a small pond without an EPA Certification of No Adverse Environmental Impact. Cost of Certificate? Approx $11, 500. Cost of pond installation? $1200.

    I asked to see to see God’s EPA Certificate first.

    They have no sense of humor. I guess you need you need a Certificate for that too.

    • This comment got hidden, Mr. Jennings! I’m so sorry to not have replied before now. You know, with all the talk of EPA dismantling, I’m finding it hard to feel badly about it, after hearing stories like this. That is ridiculous.

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