ChezGigi

Fractured Fallacies of a Finagling Fact Finder and Obfuscating Humorist

Welcome to ChezGigi.com!

  • Subscribe to the site and I promise never to reveal your personal info to anyone. Unless your mom calls and says she hasn't heard from you in three weeks. Then, you're on your own. You should call your mom. Write your name and email and we can be BFFs.  Blog Friends Forever.

  • Aenean et nibh rutrum, faucibus sapien non, placerat lectus.
 
 

A Woman's Guide To The Universe

Hypochondria And Me: I’ve Got That!

'So. . . you mean it's all in my head, doc? I only think I'm a hypochondriac?'

I think I have hypochondria. Someone told me about it once, and right away I was sure I had it.

Which is the thing with hypochondria; not only do hypochondriacs think they have that, they think they have everything else, too.

It’s become a meme in our house; whenever someone mentions some disease, syndrome, illness, condition, what have you, I pipe up with, “I’ve got that!”

Naturally, everyone scoffs at me, and laughs it off, but let me tell you why us hypochondriacs have everything we’re sure we have.

hypochondria on Chezgigi.com

I must have been traumatized at some time in my life. I listened once too often to a friend or relative’s complaints, and became convinced I had what they had.

This wasn’t just because of the internet; articles about new diseases and conditions have been popping up in conversation and magazines ever since doctors started telling us how healthy we are and could be, but oh, looka here, they said. Due to modern living, no windows, central air, lack of exercise, processed food, we’re all dying of some other thing.

I took a medical course several years ago, in order to work in the front office of a medical clinic, and we had to break up into teams for an assignment. All the teams studied some sort of illness. Which means each team had to give the symptoms of that illness in their presentation.

As I listened to each presentation, I was sure I had the illness they described. If not for the seat belt I was wearing, I’d have run out of class screaming. But my classmates would have properly diagnosed the symptoms for fear, which are chills, aches, nausea, fever, unexplained weight loss, unexplained weight gain, thirst, and hunger.

None of these illnesses or conditions have yet been cured by the miracle of science or chemistry, so these symptoms could happen to YOU, too.  If you have ANY of them, at any time, call me.

I’ll end up having them, too.

Hypochondria on chezgigi.com

The symptoms to watch for are:

Chills, aches, nausea, fever, unexplained weight loss, unexplained weight gain, thirst, and hunger. Our teams in the medical course did admirably in diagnosing their assigned conditions. I was proud of our skills.

If a patient has a bee sting, the symptoms are:

A hurty spot, chills, aches, nausea, fever, unexplained weight loss, unexplained weight gain, thirst, and hunger.

If the patient has a sprained ankle, the symptoms are:

A swollen ankle, chills, aches, nausea, fever, unexplained weight gain (because of the inactivity and raging denial of eating too much), thirst, and hunger.

If the patient has a cold, the symptoms are:

A runny nose, chills, aches, nausea, fever, unexplained weight loss (I wish), unexplained weight gain (much more likely), thirst, and hunger.

If a patient has IBS, a viral infection, or pneumonia, the symptoms are:

A swollen body, chills, aches, nausea, fever, unexplained weight loss AND unexplained weight gain, thirst, and hunger.

If a person has cancer, the symptoms are:

Everything. And including a headache, sore throat, stubbed toe, aching knee, pulled groin, ear infection, and mosquito bite. No matter what we’ve got, we’ve got cancer.

If a person is dead, the symptoms are:

Lack of breathing and heartbeat, chills, aches, nausea, fever, unexplained weight loss (natch), thirst, and hunger.

Wouldn’t you have all those things, too?

Please follow and like us:
RSS
Follow by Email
Facebook
Google+
http://chezgigi.com/2016/10/16/hypochondria-and-me-ive-got-that/
Twitter

6 Comments

  1. Mary

    I’ve got that, too! Too much truth, here, loling instead of crying!

    • gigi wolf

      Hahaha! It was awful in that school. I was always coming down with a broken leg, or something!

  2. Betsy

    Sorry, I’ve not been up to date reading your hysterical stories but, not feeling well. My symptoms are unexplained weight gain, nausea, fever, migraine & general malaise. Please take care.

    • gigi wolf

      I am so sorry to hear that! I regret to inform you that after hearing your symptoms, I have them now TOO!

  3. working husband/grateful provider

    OMG I have NO symptoms. Have I died.
    As usual my Love you always have the Best way of looking at things.

Leave a Reply

Theme by Anders Norén

ChezGigi

ChezGigi

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)